Post Holiday Stress Syndrome

Symptoms:

exhaustion, irritabilty, feeling of complete failure, overwhelmed at the thought of even very little tasks.

Where did I go wrong!!!!??! At one point I turned to my sister in law Jennie (was it you Jennie?) and said "Is it me or is this year crazier than ever?" and she said "No, it's about the way it always is (or something to that effect)" I started out the "season" with such good intentions and high expectations...Thanksgiving at my house but it was pot luck so I didn't have to cook everything. Realising that Mom usually bears all of the work that goes into a Christmas at her house we (the siblings) got together and took out her Christmas stuff and decorated her tree for her the Sunday after Thanksgiving (feasting on leftovers). We opted out of basketball for Kai this year so the first 2 weeks of December was slow, except getting all of the year end stuff taken care of for work. Then Alex left on the 13th for Atlanta, returned, went on the road on the 16th then on the 17th we had our company Christmas Party. (I planned it for PF Changs which was a great stress reducer. On the 18th the kids started their Christmas break in school and I feel like everything switched to super fast forward. Annual cookie decorating party, impromptu pizza making party with my neighbors who just moved, last minute shopping, last minute business equipment purchases, trying to work full time, wrapping all of the presents until 2am on the 23rd, pack for mom's house on the 24th, doing too extravagant of a Christmas Eve dinner (trying to support Mom by offering to provide the dinner, but I think it was stressfull to have me cook in her house), staying up too late on Christmas Eve, playing all day Christmas Day at Mom's house and then realizing (at 10:30pm) just how much had to be done by 9:00am the next day fighting packing and then having my car run out of gas. Pack, unpack, pack for Leavenworth install the correct luggage rack until 2:30 am, wake at 6 to finish packing and rush and yell at husband and find business documents have major problemo trying to figure out the car top carrier which sets you back 40 minutes, (even though you thought you were going to be on time with kids and clothes and snow gear intact even though your marriage might not be). Arrive 40 minutes late then realize you forgot the snow boots you promised your brother's girlfriend and you've let everyone in your family down. (and my biggest angst is being late although I don't mind if others are late.) Alex battles the car top carrier again fitting new luggage in - leave for Leavenworth stop for an hour to buy chains only to find out they won't fit your car... arrive in Leavenworth after 6 hour drive through snow (it was beautiful though) to find the roof top carrier bag frozen SOLID and impossible to open. Lunch at 3pm with family, sledding after dark was fun felt like I could breathe until I thought of all of the work I was neglecting to do at home by being there. We shared a wonderful dinner with Jay, Danielle and Faith and honestly it was one of the holiday highlights for me. We got home on the 27th spent time with family at mom's, then the 28th I spent preparing for the Perry Extended Family Christmas Party and looking for the turkey that I should have bought before Christmas because after Christmas they were ALL GONE ! (How else can you feed a main dish to almost 30 people though?) I ended up buying a fancy organic free range non hormone turkey from Whole Foods (which we fried) and calling it good. Perry Extended Family Christmas Party on the 29th, (25 people here at my house I think but it was pot luck) clean and work on the 30th, (and play XBOX with Kai to get my mind off things) shop for our fanciest party of the year (New Year's) and prep most of the food that night. (at least Danielle and Jay came over to keep me company) December 31st more prep, set up (sit down dinner, hours d ouvres and dancing for 20: a gift we give to our closest friends and relatives every year) party until 4am, clean/rest go to mom's on Jan 1st take down Christmas decorations and send kids to school Jan 2nd...Jan 3rd coma.

So how is the glass half full? I failed to honor my personal boundaries, and reached no goals that I set for this season. I did not rest, I did not take any pressure off my mom, Alex and I were both burning the candle at both ends business/both of our families /church with me having multiple blow ups and emo breakdowns. I didn't get my Christmas cards out AGAIN, I forgot to mail the present to my girlfriend in Michigan (I guess she should just be used to getting her February Christmas gift!) How can I change so that this doesn't happen next year? I've already said no more Perry Extended Family Christmas Parties at our house for a while (it came up that we have hosted 3 times now and I didn't even remember and still do not remember the 2nd time). We've cancelled our New Year's party for next year (we've talked about going away somewhere??) And by writing this email I think I've figured out exactly why this was such a disappointing Christmas...it is because I knew that there would be a lot going on and I thought that I had planned things in such a way that I would not be stressed, that I would support those I loved around me and help them not to be stressed...it just didn't work. (ADVICE??) Not to mention the fact that I made business mistakes, personal mistakes, let people down and let everything pile up (laundry, bills, emails to return, voicemail messages, random piles in the garage) so now I have to dig myself out.

PS. If you are reading this and you owe me money from group gifts I am going to be working on that this week. There were a lot of group gifts this year....hang with me. I am doing my best.